07 September 2015

Intimates in Hell

So I've been asked by two friends in different social circles to revive this blog. I've thought about it a few times before, when my reason against it was "but you'll just let it go dormant again after a short blaze of activity at the start". But even a flash of light is better than darkness, so here I am.

An undetermined amount of time ago, I was walking through a local branch of hell and found myself in the "intimates" department. Which, in a place like Wal-Mart, just doesn't feel right. Case in point, these panties that make me feel and warm and nauseous inside:


Why is there a mouth on my camel's lips? I feel like someone might get confused.

There's also this pair in blue:


Well, I mean, I guess that pairs wins for better wording. I am still not sure about the face sitting on my pelvic bone. I mean, face-up? Kinda rolled a natural-1 there, didn't you, Cookie Monster?

This last one took the cake, though.

 

Two things. One: What the hell? Two: I've heard of a mustache ride, but a unibrow ride?

30 June 2015

Pottery to Display in your Basement

Found this lovely urn (vase?) in the local antique shop. 


But perfection takes time, so please be sure to take a look at the first draft...


Consider purchasing if:
  • The Goonies is a favorite film
  • You're trying to remove another person's creative inhibitions ("You can't do any worse than this!")
  • - You have money to blow and have already ended world hunger with your philanthropic efforts
  • - You need something truly unique to smash at a Jewish wedding
  • - The ceramic clown hobos and masks on your wall just aren't creeping you out anymore