Intimates in Hell

So I've been asked by two friends in different social circles to revive this blog. I've thought about it a few times before, when my reason against it was "but you'll just let it go dormant again after a short blaze of activity at the start". But even a flash of light is better than darkness, so here I am.

An undetermined amount of time ago, I was walking through a local branch of hell and found myself in the "intimates" department. Which, in a place like Wal-Mart, just doesn't feel right. Case in point, these panties that make me feel and warm and nauseous inside:

Why is there a mouth on my camel's lips? I feel like someone might get confused.

There's also this pair in blue:

Well, I mean, I guess that pairs wins for better wording. I am still not sure about the face sitting on my pelvic bone. I mean, face-up? Kinda rolled a natural-1 there, didn't you, Cookie Monster?

This last one took the cake, though.

 

Two things. One: What the hell? Two: I've heard of a mustache ride, but a unibrow ride?

Pottery to Display in your Basement

Found this lovely urn (vase?) in the local antique shop. 

But perfection takes time, so please be sure to take a look at the first draft...

Consider purchasing if:

• The Goonies is a favorite film
• You're trying to remove another person's creative inhibitions ("You can't do any worse than this!")
• - You have money to blow and have already ended world hunger with your philanthropic efforts
• - You need something truly unique to smash at a Jewish wedding
• - The ceramic clown hobos and masks on your wall just aren't creeping you out anymore