A Criminal Offense in Most States

I was digging through a bin of 25¢ tees and came across quite a few shirts for school-related organizations. Most were extra-curricular -- sports teams, cheer squads, nerd teams (I can say this because I was a member of Odyssey of the Mind in elementary school, Battle of the Books in middle school, and Academic Superbowl throughout high school). But there were a few shirts that simply celebrated a group of students enrolled in the same class. Enter the Lollipops.

It seems to me that lollipops exist for one purpose:

Licking. 

Sure, crafters will try to disguise these treats as ghosts during October, but a tissue and set of googly-eyes cannot change what lies beneath:

Hard candy on a stick 

(best accessed by tongue).

I won't go into a discussion of things mounted on a stick, as Jeff Dunham has made lots of money off of this joke. (Though I invite you to continue his theme in the comments section.) 

I will simply count the number of lollipops on this shirt -- 22 -- and consider how many licks it takes to get the center of...

A few things to note (discuss at your leisure): 

• The image depicts the teacher as a Blow-pop (or is it a Tootsie Roll Pop?) and the students as mere Dum-Dums. While I can agree that the Tootsie and Charms variants are a definite step up from Spangler's (yes, I did some Google-work), I am not completely clear on what the gum/Tootsie Roll in the center of Mrs. Litke-Smith represents. Are we to expect Dum-Dums to one day become bigger, better lollipops?
• Urban Dictionary has something to add. The third definition offers a sentence to demonstrate proper usage of the term:

Li'l Wayne: I'll let you lick a lollipop.
Small Child: Really?!?

This shirt needs to be burned.