Inane Insanity

I need some help interpreting this shirt. What demographic was Ray-Ban shooting for here? It seems appropriate to organize a poll, given the upcoming Ukranian elections.

Take a look at your two candidates and their platforms.

I PRESENT CAMOUFLAGE SUNGLASSES!

You hear "camouflage" and expect a game of hide-and-go-seek in the rugged wilderness. Not so with me! I defy my purpose, choosing instead to embrace temples of Walmart patrons. 

Never hide when you were clearly designed to accompany a Nascar jacket!

NOW, CONSIDER COREY HART!

You're sure to stand out in the nightclub when your fashion accessory of choice serves no purpose. One-hit-wonders like myself have to take any attention they can get. And in case you're still not confused, check out a list of reasons that I wear sunglasses after the sun sets:
 
 So I can (so I can) watch you weave then breathe your story lines,

So I can (so I can) keep track of the visions in my eyes,
So I can (so I can) forget my name while you collect your claim,

and
So I can (so I can) see the light that's right before my eyes.

You got it made with the guy in shades, oh-no!

Since comments boost my ego much more than email notifications, I am going to refrain from embedding a poll here. Act accordingly if you wish to -- as the youngsters say -- rock the vote. 

Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! ...

I wish I could say I found this design printed on an orange shirt without a blurb to remove it from Chris Hansen's radar. Not because I'm a fan of molestation (who isn't?) but because it would have made for a much more interesting blog post (I'm...just being honest). So it is with some regret that I share the anticlimactic FRONT of the shirt with you:

Cute shirt, you say. What else could there be to add to a weiner joke? (Another weiner.)

My question here is...how can they top this gag for next year's t-shirt?

Put something between your buns

Everyone's a Wiener at Wienerstock!

...the list continues in your comments below (nudge nudge)

Body Dysmorphic Disorder...?

...or just an artist ignorant of/unconcerned with body proportions?

Having just returned from the gym, where body image is a very hot topic, the following piece of art appealed to me. (Or perhaps I should say "appealed" to me, as sarcasm is a main ingredient in every soup du jour I offer here.)

Me thinks the proportions are a bit off (not to mention her missing arm -- though I suppose she could be an amputee and I could be seriously insensitive). I realize inverted triangle (or "apple") figures exist, but this exaggeration just sets up false expectations for those young girls aspiring to the body of Ms. Heart of Gold. 

Okay, I'm out of things to say without getting too critical of the technique here. I have no right to critique drawings when I've got minimal talent in that area myself (though my Lion King paintings from back in the '90s were pretty fancy and my WALKING TACO posters at work were perfectly mediocre). Check out my brother's art here or my sister-in-law's here (name-drop me & my blog in your friend request if privacy settings keep you from the photos) if you want to see something good. 

I wanted to take a moment to share some art with you; now for some Neil Young.

You're welcome for the nude paintings a few links ago.

Cute shirt?

Aww, what a cute shirt. (Aren't stick figures the cutest???)

But the words on the shirt don't seem to jive with the clip-art below them. It's not immediately apparent that the children belong on this shirt. I mean, what could they possibly have to do with Purdue Lab School?

A few options:

• Any child can aspire to a career in science!
• Discoveries made in Purdue's Lab School benefit all children!
• Children (or more appropriately, their guardians) can make a quick buck by becoming test subjects in Purdue's Lab School! Afraid of needles and nauseating chemicals? Don't worry -- that'll pass quickly and you'll be smiling in no time! (Side effects may vary.)

As it turns out, the creator of this T-shirt shortened the formal name of Purdue's facility....which "is a place where young children and families learn and grow. Actively engaging the world around them, each day children, teachers, parents, researchers, and university students play and work together, creating a safe, loving community of discovery" (check it).

The unabridged name, while more difficult for screen printers to handle (not to mention more expensive to produce), is definitely less disconcerting when paired with a graphic of two stick children:

I was torn between Were-Beast and Potland typefaces for obvious reasons. I find either would be appropriate. (As would the acquisition of PhotoShop -- if only to justify the 1790 fonts on my computer.)

Onward!