Power of Seduction

It's been a great night. From the moment she stepped into that overpriced Italian restaurant for your date, you could feel a desire to eat breakfast together stirring in your loins. Her infectious smile and silky voice only cemented that desire into an aching need.

But you can't count on scrambled-eggs-for-two; truth be told, you want her because she is not guaranteed. She's a strong, intelligent woman with high standards and there's no telling if you can hold in your idiosyncracies long enough to close the deal.

So when she slips away to "freshen up" in your bathroom, you quickly thumb through your guide to seduction.

Sliding this one on and off the shelf feels a little dirty. 

You're confident that by the end of the night you'll be engaged in illicit activities.

But you realize there are a few steps between now and then. Perhaps you should start with a massage?

Best review the chapter on massage techniques first. (Claude Serre)

Baking...Little Boys

Won a game of Hearts last night, lost Spades by 120 points, and was the first to go out on Magic: The Gathering but it was a good night with good people (except for that Shaun; he's terrible). Moving on to self-amusement (anything more is just a bonus):

I was a bit shocked to find that this cookbook required a 120/240V oven. I was hoping for some new recipes I could try out at my hearthstone. I guess I'll just stick to charring marshmallows over the campfire and frying eggs on the sidewalk...

Speaking of non sequiturs...

"God made hugs, smiles and little boys" ... but the devil made dem hoes.

(Still trying to find the second piece of nursery art in this collection, I might add.)

If you like the previous joke's structure, you might also like

Body Dysmorphic Disorder...?

...or just an artist ignorant of/unconcerned with body proportions?

Having just returned from the gym, where body image is a very hot topic, the following piece of art appealed to me. (Or perhaps I should say "appealed" to me, as sarcasm is a main ingredient in every soup du jour I offer here.)

Me thinks the proportions are a bit off (not to mention her missing arm -- though I suppose she could be an amputee and I could be seriously insensitive). I realize inverted triangle (or "apple") figures exist, but this exaggeration just sets up false expectations for those young girls aspiring to the body of Ms. Heart of Gold. 

Okay, I'm out of things to say without getting too critical of the technique here. I have no right to critique drawings when I've got minimal talent in that area myself (though my Lion King paintings from back in the '90s were pretty fancy and my WALKING TACO posters at work were perfectly mediocre). Check out my brother's art here or my sister-in-law's here (name-drop me & my blog in your friend request if privacy settings keep you from the photos) if you want to see something good. 

I wanted to take a moment to share some art with you; now for some Neil Young.

You're welcome for the nude paintings a few links ago.