T-Shirt Rack Diving

One of my favorite racks in the thrift shop holds t-shirts. You never know if you're going to find six hot pink shirts commemorating the 2004 Johnson Family Reunion or a handful of brewery tees retired after a single night on a bar wench's torso.

Here are a few memorable finds.

Found this one in Size XL:

Might start by sharing that fourth hot dog.

And this creamsicle beauty:

Looks like somebody skimped on the translation job here.

And then this head-scratcher, merging two seemingly dissimilar elements:

"Business in the front, party in the back" sounds like a typical mob business.

There's really no telling what you'll find on the rack...

Power of Seduction

It's been a great night. From the moment she stepped into that overpriced Italian restaurant for your date, you could feel a desire to eat breakfast together stirring in your loins. Her infectious smile and silky voice only cemented that desire into an aching need.

But you can't count on scrambled-eggs-for-two; truth be told, you want her because she is not guaranteed. She's a strong, intelligent woman with high standards and there's no telling if you can hold in your idiosyncracies long enough to close the deal.

So when she slips away to "freshen up" in your bathroom, you quickly thumb through your guide to seduction.

Sliding this one on and off the shelf feels a little dirty. 

You're confident that by the end of the night you'll be engaged in illicit activities.

But you realize there are a few steps between now and then. Perhaps you should start with a massage?

Best review the chapter on massage techniques first. (Claude Serre)

Hot Diggity Dog!

Yeah, so this joke has been run into the ground...

How to beg and how to play dead.

And yet i'm posting it.

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Because I found this:

Comes with a bowl for ketchup or the clotted blood of your enemies.

Spine Reading

You might say I'm a bit of a reader. (Though, full disclosure: I was a couple books shy of my 40-book goal for last year.)

I'm not picky -- I read billboards on road trips, storefronts in town, realtor mailers featuring the inexplicably popular fist-under-the-chin pose, etc. And when I'm near a bookshelf, you best believe I'm going to peruse the titles.

Hilarity often ensues.

So big it's 72pt.

Sauntering through shelves of books, I discover a strange juxtaposition of elements.

An authority on fiction.

And seemingly-significant adjacencies.

Bake poetry at 350°F.

Other times, it's a blend of confusion and intrigue:

Probes & Prayers.

But all too soon, my waltz through the words is over.

[Insert pause here.]

My attention quickly returns to my appetite.

Om nom nom. Repeat as necessary.