Are these on your reading list?

For those who don't know me, I majored in English and -- true to type -- rarely have my nose out of a book. That being the case, it's strange that I haven't featured books in this bloggity bloggerson. (The previous statement was false, but let's pretend otherwise...as the challenge of rewriting this intro might defeat me and this post altogether.) That changes today.

First up, a book that I initially scorned...because I have prejudged the Fifty Shades series to be a bad thing because I semi-consciously cling to the puritanical idea that erotica's status as a genre is a baby step away from romance and shouldn't be lauded, let alone discussed in public by grown adults (or, God forbid, by their preteen daughters). Truth be told, I feel like my initial disinterest (which, embarrassingly enough, is crumbling under the stress of self-driven reverse psychology) stems from the fact -- if it's even true -- that the books were originally written as Twilight fanfiction. (Which is as fictive as fiction can get, if we're going to be honest.)

Just occurred to me that I haven't shown you a photo yet.

After having stepped away from this one for a few weeks, I'm now a bit anxious to check out the book again. (Not that I need any chicken recipes at the moment; I've got my hands full with cookies right now.) 

Extra points for F.L. Fowler writing a book about fowl. It seems I've screwed things up for myself by marrying a Chilean -- single Emily could have written about palm trees or palm reading or religious pilgrims...but what the hell is an Abarca supposed to compose?

Moving on.
  

I love the cover of this book (such enthusiam!) but he doesn't appear to be puzzled. No, he appears triumphant, or possibly bat-crazy (are bats as crazy as colloquialisms would have you believe?) after having spent an hour trying to find one stupid word.

Another crazy book (on sale for a mere $20 at the local thrift store):

 

In case you can't read the small font, the book is called Character Sketches from the Pages of Scripture Illustrated in the World of Nature. Whose highdea was this? ("Dude, Jesus is totally a woodchuck because he could have chucked through the wood of his cross but he didn't because his dad told him not to.")

Get ready for another helping of crazy!

Good ol' Screech, proving that some things do not get better with age. Has anyone told him yet that's he's not a magician?

I appreciate the fact that the key word of the subtitle is "behind the" label. (I take pleasure in the little things.)

Damn, I am definitely letting the team down tonight. I had 11 more photos in the queue and am too sleepy to continue. (Damn you, Dustin Diamond!) I suppose we can all point out at least one reason why a 15-topic blog post is a bad idea (not enough nudity, for one) so I'm going to assume that you're okay with this arrangement. Off to bed where my crazy noodles up top mix these four topics. 

The question is, WILL IT BLEND?

Target's new mascot?

For years, Target's mascot has been "Bullseye" the Bull Terrier. 

A brief aside: How is it that Bullseye's face tattoo (a permanent tattoo is much more practical -- not to mention more bad-ass -- than sitting in a doggy makeup chair for two hours, so I'm going to assume) has not upset PETA yet? Perhaps the upper echelon of the association is full of Little Rascals fans? But I digress...

Imagine my surprise on a recent trip to the red box (what I imagine employees have casually called the retailer since long before that other company came along to put Blockbuster out of business) when I found ZERO Bullseyes for sale. No stuffed animals, no T-shirts, no dartboards... 

I DID, however find a plethora of pigs:

(Forgive the terrible glare. Or don't; what do I care?) Pop! the Pig is a commentary on the obesity epidemic in the U.S. and teaches children that the goal of eating is to make your stomach explode. Great fun at Thanksgiving and Chinese and American food-troughs buffets. Ages 4 and up! 

Keep in mind that if you can't stop playing Pop! the Pig, you're advised to try Operation (with sound FX)!
 

It's common knowledge that overeaters everywhere love to be jostled around after filling their stomachs. Enter Toss the Pig, a game which allows you to spend $15 to play Hot Potato. Since infants and toddlers are incapable of throwing things other than food and fecal matter, this game is only for ages 4 and up.

Holy nipples, Batman! I suppose this example is probably what will, inevitably, lead Target to trade Bullseye in for a swine. Of course, if you're not into that sort of thing, maybe this does it for you.

Padawanian Star Wars Musings

One might assume all INTPs are Star Wars experts. This one isn't. I've watched the movies and have a grasp on theme, characters, story...but I've never worked up the Willpower to turn from the Federation to the Rebellion (or even to the Empire, despite their storehouse of sweets). That being said (and half my readership gone as a result), I present you with two interesting finds...

I realize that Darth Vader possesses all kinds of dark powers and can kill with the The Force. But without his light saber, this Sith Lord just looks like an emo kid cursing the world. (Cue self-pitying monologue.)

Nothing warms the heart better than Darth Maul. His story tells us that if you turn to the dark side you'll probably kill some powerful people but you'll die in the end (which, it turns out, is a pretty common ending for human beings -- what a worn out cliché). 

In other news...If life is like a box of chocolates, I sure hope it's not this one.