These books are golden.

It's been a few weeks (!!) since I hit up the thrift $hop, so this is some old material here. Forgive me if the jokes fall flat; they were funny when I first found them so I guess they aged badly.

Walking through the Children's section of books ("just to observe"), I came across several Golden books. The first featured long-time gay couple Bert and Ernie:

That's where they keep the rainbows.

 I chuckled at the perfection that stood before me and continued to pursue the wares. (Looking back,  I kinda hate that I didn't buy it. Such is life.)

I couldn't have picked a better next title for the purposes of this argument. Hell, I didn't know this one existed.

He'd really rather we didn't talk about it.

Then came a slew of the worst variant of innuendo: puns.

Lying causes 4 out of 5 erections.

How about another?

"She likes it from behind." - John Smith

...

Sorry, I lost myself in that last caption there. Moving on!

Subtitle: "Little Miss Muffett's Tuffett II"

What does a mouse gotta do for a little respect around here?

This one doesn't really fit anywhere. Let me just stick it here.

Zing!

And what's a girl to do with herself while her sailor's away?

Perfectly innocent. Available in 5 colors.

I can't say this is going to be a daily thing yet, because I'm pretty irresponsible when it comes to promoting my own self-interests (through the art of Blog). Robotics are easy because "Everything is Awesome" but I am not quite a die-hard Emily fan. Maybe with time.

Good News, Everybody.

Fact One: PC died about 3 months ago.
Fact Two: Second car out-of-commission for the last 2 months.
Fact Three: I refuse to compose a blog post on a cell phone.

So I've been gone. But I'm still alive and, while my thrifting has dwindled considerably, I still have things to say. Be patient with me over the next few months, as you may see more virtual window shopping than you're accustomed to.

But for today, I don't even plan on window-shopping the Interwebs. Today is about stretching out my fingers and remembering how to type. Fancy new keyboard, Spotify spitting out some pretty nice jams (James Blake). Only problem is that I'm working overnight shifts for the rest of the week, which means I need to jump in the shower right about now.

Rest assured, though. I'll be back!

Haircare: Who Cares?

Hairstyling is a chore. What products should you use? How can you fend off frizz? How should you style your coif? Even choosing a hairbrush is a tedious task.

Vented brushes, purse brushes, round brushes flat brushes...

(On second thought, maybe this choice is easier than I'm letting on.)

So you've got your brush. Now it's time to figure out what to do with your hair. You try two or three styles before succumbing to the fact that your hair rules you and not the other way around. 

Hell, just throw on a hat. 

Woodworking

In the world of woodworking, there are complex, intricate designs...

(A composition entitled "Twigs and One Inflamed Berry" or "Whittlin' the Day Away")

And then there are simple projects for simpler minds...

Arms or No Arms?

Which is creepier...

A. An armless bear encouraging hugs? (Though perhaps it's just sad irony.)



B. A bookend of an armed clown? (Can't sleep; clown will eat me.)



You be the judge.

What the gourd?

I've been to my share of craft fairs and church bazaars. Old ladies cling to their steel change drawers and delusions of creative talent, peddling pompom atrocities and popsicle-stick terrors.

But you don't truly know crafting "magic" until you've tasted the gourd.



And now for a closer look at that skillful gourd artistry:

I was in the midst of a monologue when suddenly a photo appeared.

I feel as if my best outlet when I'm feeling creative but don't want to draw attention to myself as I express my imaginative talents is blogging. So. Here. I. Am.

I realize that it would be preferable to have a blogger ("Indecision favors "bloggist" but that'll never catch on," comments the Critic.) who is here for the pure joy of blogging...but you'll have to take what I can offer you.

That being said, here some Bloggist Gold!

"Wait, wait, wait!" squeals Indecision.
"Hold on; wait for me!" Dependence demands (a minute too late and a dollar too short).

Please excuse my break from the acceptable genre there. I got a bit novelistic without meaning to. the intent to do so.

There she is, the window shopper with a hypercritical eye. Yes, that's right, folks! It's Mrs. Window Shopper!

I'm going to seek stimulation outside of my photo albums today and check out The Literary Gift Company. Shop with me!

I need these.
I need the e's.
I kneed these.
I knead the ease.