Welcome to the Shart Department

So my traffic shart (that miskey was too amusing not to share) chart shows a plateau* which seems to be what has happened here at Mrs. Window Shopper. I can't say that I've stopped window shopping, nor that I've stopped criticizing all the shart (not a miskey) I find in my travels. I am just a sucker for inconsistency, damnit (not in the shart department**, not that you asked). I am dedicating this fecal post to my good friend Britney (who may or may not be currently located in the shart department) for proving that kissing my ass will, in fact, make your wishes come true. Here's to a monster post of the crap I found at BIG LOTS the other day. (There are also some footnotes for the indicated items, so check that shit out too.)

[insert uproarious post here]***

Wasn't that a fun little romp in the Biggest Lot inside four walls (but not really because it's actually a relatively small building)? It sure feels great to start posting these "finds" again after a long time. I feel like I could repeat this blogging process again tomorrow with more junk I find on the shelves. Hey, maybe I'll even be able to make a poop joke (because, let's be honest, what else would make this piece more respectable)! I do hope you've enjoyed your vicarious window shopping today and that you'll come back for more so my traffic chart will grow from the Tibetan Plateau to Mt. Everest (if you need a link for that one, you're dumber than I am)...though, of course, such topographic upheaval takes millennia, you silly goose!

*Closer observation shows the plateau to be the result of two consecutive days with one visitor to the site. I can't recall whether I was trolling my own blog those days (though I generally rack up at least six refreshes during the blog revision process) or if someone actually gives a shart. (I had to get one more in before saying adieu...PHRASING!!)

**I will now be referring to those establishments with shelves full of Mrs. Window Shopper finds as "shart departments" (unless I forget this rule five minutes from now, in which case I will not).

***If, somehow, you managed to evade the sarcasm dripping from the paragraph above, something has gone awry here. Somehow, I have proven immune to the disease which has rendered much of population unable to function without a cellular device nearby. My archaic phone is currently sitting in my car...which my husband drove to band practice several several several miles away. Said phone houses the photos I intended to discuss in this post. So instead of reveling in the 1000 words a picture is said to inspire, you have the express privilege of indulging in a less mainstream activity called "reading." (505 words are yours; congratulations, confetti, blah blah blah.) In other news, patronizing yourself is probably grounds for mental evaluation and some pretty strong anti-psychotic drugs (yes, please). In other other news, Britney gets a do-over.