Album Cover Stockpile

So turns out I have 114 drafts and only 25 published posts. In some cases I can't quite seem to verbalize the joke in my head, though more often my unwillingness to publish is due to an inability to add enough "deadwood" to my prose to substantiate a post. You'd think an English major would be a pro at bullshitting. Witness a few of my failures below:

Bathe in the Fountain of Pete

I did the band nerd thing in high school. Some opt to continue for a few years in college, drum corps, what have you. But only the truly insane continue wearing costumes after the party's over (I'm looking at you, Juggalos). My [by-no-means-comprehensive] internet search turned up alternate cover art for this album (maybe Mr. Fountain learned his lesson and scrambled to hide his misstep). Maybe I should have bought it as a conversation piece or a curiosity for a family member with the Palmer sense of humor, but alas...I left Pete Fountain and His Mardi Gras Strutters (yup, "strutters") on the shelf.

Thank you, Red Bull 

...or possibly a Mack truck, depending on which mythology you subscribe to. I'm a bit concerned by the lack of speakers in this setup, not to mention the fact that cherubims do not qualify for electric instruments.

Speaking of segues, wouldn't be appropriate for this album to be a posthumous hit for Sheila Green?

The Honey Horn Sound Hurts a Bit

It's fitting to me that Al Hirt (who is just as likely to be an accomplished trumpeter as a registered sex offender) is peering at us from behind a wire cage. It's strange that this particular combination of facial expression and facial hair is acceptable (particularly during la Natividad) when the person has gone white like Santa...but not so much when he's recently touched up with Just for Men. 'Nuff said.

Simply Beautiful
I'm not sure I understand why a wave about to crash into the viewer's face is a beautiful thing, but apparently Bud Tutmarc is okay with it and unconcerned with the fact that his island guitar is very likely to be destroyed in the process. 

Height Disparity
I can't help but think this little guy is Danny Devito. This mistaken identity makes the viewing experience (viewing of the album art, that is) much more enjoyable than it would be otherwise. I imagine most of Devito's love interests are taller than he...or underage, I suppose. Having nothing else to say on the topic, I'll simply advise you to check out It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia for hours of lols.

The Odyssey: A Night to Remember
A single night filled with Ulysses' masterpiece would be...well, epic. I don't suspect I could accomplish the deed in a single eve, but kudos to the person who manages that feat. 

...At this point, I could pull something mildly amusing out of the back of my mind, but if I must be honest I have lost interest. I'm a bit tired, craving a shower, and would really rather play some Rock Band. So, since I keeps it real, I've got to skedaddle. Good eve, good folk.

Abandoned Albums

For our enjoyment -- mine because I'm turning several old drafts into a real post (very Pinocchio, don't you think?) and yours because...well, duh -- Mrs. Window Shopper brings together some vinyls from various thrift store shops. 

High School Musical 4: Debate Club 
(Available on Spotify! Warning: Some tracks may be more persuasive than others.)

Is percussion all it takes to argue your point? Politicians have used cheesy songs to bolster their causes to varied levels of success...but I can't find any record of a drum-heavy track putting a candidate into office. Perhaps "Bolero" or "Moby Dick" could change that (yes, I put Ravel and Zeppelin into the same category)? I suppose Jason's percussion (take that as you will) persuaded me to become his wife and drums have led many a warrior into battle so there's that. And one cannot argue the persuasive power of a marimba solo... *swoons*

Speaking of swooning...

 


 



 
Let me first admit that what comes most readily to mind when I think of Robert Goulet is Will Ferrell. The SNL sketches are actually what led me to snap these photos, terrible as that is. 

My main problem with these albums is Goulet's ill-advised use of prepositions:

• I suspect the background noise on ...On Broadway is unbearable.
• The white text on the second album asserts that it is a recording so the title of In Person is a pretty terrible choice.

Adventuretime's Muse?

This album art seems to have inspired a slew of cartoons: Adventuretime? Superjail? Chowder? This cover makes about as much sense as the plotlines of those shows (read: none) and creates a slew of questions. Why are these creatures in a huge bathtub? How can I get my showerhead to spray out rainbows? And most importantly: Where did the owl get that gorgeous hat? 

Jokes aside, the featured artists seem legit -- I'm pretty sure you're REQUIRED to juggle and wear silly hats when listening to Billy Joel and Kenny Loggins in the bathtub.

The Mighty Mighty Moog-tones
(not available on Spotify, though I did find Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sea Lions But Were Afraid to Ask)

EVERYTHING? Well, there's no "Stairway to Heaven" but there IS a Moog version of "Bolero" which brings some continuity to this post if nothing else. Let's vote: Which is more persuasive -- percussion or Moog?

Pedobear's Jams
Since finding (and laughing uproariously at) this album, I've learned that Mitch was a pretty big deal back in the day (despite his show's subpar production values). I won't detail all of his badassery here, but trust me that he was a pretty kick-ass individual. So respect to you in the big beyond, dude.

That being said, this "all smiles" picture is a bit unsettling to my contemporary sensibilities.

Now that I've gobbled up my stock of album art, I suppose it's time to find some more. Joy!

I believe you can take me through the night

I've been stockpiling photos hoping that I'd come up with more than simple one-liners after stepping out of the thrift store. By my count, it takes about two albums to substantiate a blog post. So you're getting a few words on two for the price of one. (You're welcome.)

I had hoped to feature side-by-side lyrics of "Tuneweaving" VS "Dreamweaver" but Tony Orlando & Dawn's hit 1973 album did not feature a song so titled. I should probably note that, in naming this a hit album, I am NOT being sarcastic -- it featured the year's biggest selling song of the year: "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree." But the success of the album isn't going to stop me from laughing at the jackass who decided a cross-stitch portrait was a good idea. (Just imagine how long that sitting session must have been.) I'll bet the artist required complete silence to concentrate on her art so that she could hear a pin--

--I'm gonna stop me right there, before the dad joke has made its way into the world. Moving on...

More fodder from the '70s. I wish I'd taken a second photo so the glare wasn't so distracting. But then I suppose you'd be distracted by these two males (?) oozing sex appeal. Oh, how I wish we could go back to the days when men dressed like women and...oh wait, I'm lying.

Anyway, it appears that the Addrisi brothers are unaware that while a curvaceous woman emerging from body of water is sexy,  male disco rats coming out of a pool they likely cannonballed into fully-clothed while under the influence of one hell of a drug is just pathetic.

The Beegees knew this; how did the Addrisi Brothers miss the memo? (Though my internet search did place the Beegees close to a body of water...)

You've made it to the end of this post so I'm going to reward you with one more album cover photo. I've got shit to do, so you'll have to do the over-analyzing on your own. Keep in mind that the album below was the debut of two siblings. 

Good night.

T'was a bit overcast today...

Given that my viewership is currently limited to my inner circle of friends (which at this time is largely made up of musicians from Hubby's band), I thought it would be good for me to scope out inspiration for their future album cover art. Enter Tony Sandler & Ralph Young.

Songs include the ocular hits Angel Eyes and Spanish Eyes (mutually exclusive, apparently) as well as a trio of days: "Seven Lonely --", "Yellow --", and "In the Sunshine --".

So, Flannelites: A simple green screen can make this a reality. (Or we can just Photoshop the band onto one of the buildings in the background.) 

While you admire the photograph above and wonder where all the "classy" musicians disappeared to, I offer you a couple chances to stretch your mind...

FILL IN THE BLANKS
Sunshine Days lead to _____ Nights.

INEQUALITY

Irony of a nighttime scene on the cover of "Sunshine Days"

 < or = or > 

Ironic appeal of this album & my (dare I say it?) hipster hobby?

Keep on Truckin'

YouTube seems to be performing a mind drain today, but I am going to try to avoid its draw for a few minutes while I catch up on a couple entries. Not that you asked, but I played band wife last night and accompanied Mr. McHubberson to band practice and band gig. Long night, for sure. I was dozing off in Waffle House at 4AM if that tells you anything. But sometimes you just gotta...

I'm gonna go ahead and tap on into the next post while you think about songs that would be appropriate to have on an album with this title. (Bonus activity: Animate this still in your head, using your imagination to add these tunes to the movie score.)

Organ Joke

I should probably go ahead and let you know that my mind lives in the gutter. I attempted to prevent my brain water from draining into the sewer by focusing on academic pursuits, but this method only accelerated the growth of this part of my persona. (Biochemistry taught me the mechanics; English introduced me to new ways of extolling the act.) So skip this post if your prudery requires it, or stick around and laugh with the immature girl inside my head.

Among the racks of vinyls at your local thrift store, you'll find an assortment of penis jokes. (Unless some mysterious stranger cleans house before you get there -- church organist, perhaps?) I bring you a couple of my finds from Kokomo, Indiana.

Yes, there is actually a Kokomo in the contiguous United States. (Two in fact; the other's in Mississippi.) It's not nearly as exciting as the Beach Boys make it out to be, as I visited Goodwill three times in the span of two days while visiting family. I also saw lots of cornfields and very few hills.

(Interesting intersection of post and tangent: there are TWO organs in my parents' house in Kokomo. My mom has picked them up on thrifting trips of her own and I think we're all concerned with where she'll put the next one when she chooses to expand her collection. Okay, that's definitely enough discussion of organs when my parents are involved.)

Great Organ Hits sounds painful awesome. The album art guarantees that you'll be seeing stars hitting repeat after encountering Eddie Layton's penis instrument (It's "OUT OF THIS WORLD"!). Songs include: "Ain't Misbehavin'", "The Happy Organ", "The Dipsy Doodle" (which is most definitely NOT an entry from this book), and "When the Organ Played at Twilight". Check out the full cover on Amazon (link above) for a lesson on overcompensating.

Dear John Kiley, It's not the size of the organ but the technique used when tickling its keys (take a lesson from Eddie Layton). John Kiley Plays Big Pipe Organ feature greats like "If I Loved You", "This Can't Be Love", and "Button up Your Overcoat" (song titles that suggest Mr. K is no stranger to organ solos).

No picture, but I also found "Historical Organs of Italy" and couldn't help but think of Ezio. I realize he's a fictional character but he got a lot of action on the XBOX...