Kameron, I failed.

I tried to write the post that I was unable to bring your selected number (20) to fruition on either of the last two days. I tried really hard but it just wasn't happening, so another day down the road you'll find a revived post entitled "Swollen Karma" and it'll just make your world.

(Reports of future post "making your world" are wildly exaggerated. Actual likelihood of this event are 1000:1. Maybe 100.1 if Emily can be a little self-confident.)

[30 sec to determine whether presenting the following comedic bit was worth the shame I felt while typing it.]

It looks like I've been a naughty little girl. I suppose you'll have to spank my fanny!




Thank goodness these fannypacks are 50% off because they give some cushion to my tush which protects this naughty girl during spankings.

Except...!

Fannypacks are typically worn on the front side of the body, over the pelvis. Why would they be called fannys (Did you presume that "fanny" would be a "drop-the-y-add-an-eye-ee" plural?) when they're not worn over your fanny?

Except...!

So I just invited you to spank my fanny. Which is to say that my husband will not approve.

I feel so dirty.



Dearest Tide! Thank you for still being proud ("...keeper of your team colors"; keep up, damnit!") after this disgusting display above. I figured my brother Nathan (big fan of everything Detroit) would dig this find. I suppose I should have tossed $11 at the cashier (or, if feeling particularly un-entertaining, placed it in her hand), especially since I'm pretty sure my brother uses this brand of detergent.

Sigh. *shakes fist at rearview mirror*

Whoa, watch where you're shaking that fist! There's glass here!



This find was for my Mummula (a Yiddish-esque term that I believe I will adopt), who has long referred to her and my father's house in derogatory terms. I don't suppose that a crooked house would be a foreign concept to her mind.

Speaking of minds:



Stupidity afflicts 75 or 23% of the people reading this post. (We're all carriers of the disease, if we're being honest. It's just a means of which of us can pass as "normal".)

In other news, if no one reads this other than me, I will be very concerned.

Awwwwwwkward.

(Other potential comments on the shirt above:

• Is this a Pokemon breast cancer shirt? (That's nearly as provocative as a G.I. Joe prostate cancer PSA!)
• This person seems to have a uni-boob. (Sports bras are really not flattering if there's no cleavage involved.)

Let's eat pie!



done